Juicy Thoughts


I’m too tired right now to do anything except sip some Green Easy Cold Pressed Juice in a coffee shop (how very Californian of me), stare out the window, or pick up where I left off in “Eat, Pray, Love” . I’m the master at letting all the “important” shit wait until the very last possible minute. Tonight I’ll pack it all in: AP English, Honors Chem, Math, and I’ll watch a video on the APUSH chapter I didn’t read so I can do all the essay questions.

Productive, no?

Too many things have happened this weekend, so I have to write about it before it all slips down into the forgotten memories vortex. Then I can go back to staring out the window listening to Staligia- Heaven + Mimosas and quietly observing people in their cars.

Let’s start with Friday. I was pulled out of Track early so I could get my butt home, shower, and get ready to go on a boat with my Mom, her boyfriend, the boyfriend’s granddaughter, and the boyfriend’s daughter’s friend. My Mom advised us to dress warmly, and gave us these fluffy down jackets Steve had bought for us. Mine was red. The captain of the boat was named Brock. He looked just like my best friends older brother. Those same “italian liquid brown eyes”, the crooked nose, the tan. I almost called him Noah. Their boat looked just like Ava’s too. The deck of it was white, they had a bean bag up at the bow (is that what you call it? The front?), they had a little caved in area that had seats and cup holders and steps that led to a small little cabin inside complete with a kitchen, bathroom, and little sitting area. Steve brought fancy champagne from France for Mom and him, and sparkling apple cider for all of us other apple cider addicts. There was also little cheese, cracker, and salami plates for all of us with Italian goat cheese, Italian gouda cheese, and a bunch of Italian salami. I feel as if it was a sign that for sure Brock was an Italian-just like Ava, and Noah. (Okay so Ava isn’t really Italian. But she grew up there. And she’s got the dark eyes, dark hair, and a sense of style). My Mom was embarrassing to be around on that boat. She was really playing up the whole Australian thing. She was trying to impress Emily (the granddaughter) and Maddy (the roommate), except she just came off as arrogant and self absorbed. Steve said something along the lines of: “Australians are the kindest people”. And she went from zero to a hundred (real quick):

Yes it’s true! Us Australians are so nice. I’m so nice and kind. All my patients love me. (insert really wide smile here) In fact, after meeting me, some of my patients have actually gone to Australia just because of me! Everybody loves me! I’m so kind! I’m so nice! I’m so sweet! I was captain of the tennis team in high school! 

Yeah, okay.

Her eyelashes were extremely long that day. Steve told me he had Mom go get them done. They were practically were grazing her eyebrows. Her nails and toenails were cherry red too. Steve said he needed to “spoil her” (oh sweet pickles, is it possible for her to get any more spoiled than she already is?) Her laugh was so loud too. And she kept smiling. Really fakely at everyone. With her ultra white bleached teeth. And she called everyone: “sweetie”, “dearie”, “darling” in a really obnoxious whine. I can only take so much of my Mom in small doses.

My Mom is so thin. She looks like a stick. At the restaurant afterwards she split some Ahi stack with Steve, and that’s it. She didn’t eat any of her platter on the boat because she “had a big lunch”.  I know my Mom. A “big lunch” for her would be a grapefruit or something small and silly like that.

I know, I know. I’m ranting about my Mom. How could I do this to the women who gave birth to me? Well the woman who gave birth to me is also the women who almost killed me because she was too vain to gain weight and continued starving herself during pregnancy.

Don’t get me wrong. She’s not all bad. She has her kind moments, where she’s actually “real”, but lately I have only been seeing the fake version of her.

It was a little hard to relate to Emily and Maddy. They were both kind, southern Texas girls, and Emily had interesting stories about when she went to France, but a little of the awkwardness was there. The age difference between all of us was pretty great.

Side note: There’s a old man across the street right now with headphones on dancing at a street corner. I usually see him with the track team when we are sent on a beach run. He sings too.

I liked sitting on the bean bag though. I could look at the water all day. It may have been cold out there, but it was so beautiful too. It was a cloudy day, but my kind of day.


Mom said she couldn’t go to my end of the year Leukemia and Lymphoma Society banquet because she was too busy with Steve, Emily, and Maddy. Honestly, I was a little hurt, but I shrugged it off and told myself it didn’t matter. My Dad didn’t go either. He and my sister hit the road early in the morning to drive up to the desert and see the flowers in full bloom. It’s been the first time in twenty years that we’ve had enough rain to see them open up. He said that there was pollen everywhere-all over the bright desert flowers, in the air, and the smell. Someday I’ll see it, but I spent most of that day doing laundry, cleaning the dishes, and getting ready. I wore a dress that was grey on the top, and a cute lil black pencil skirt on the bottom. It gave me some curves. I also pulled out my high heeled shoes that lace up. Dad and Lizzy got back in time to give me a ride to the restaurant where the gala was being held.

It started at 4:30 but we couldn’t actually go inside till 6. So the team and I strolled around and looked at all the auction items. There were servers who had little trays of meatball and spring rolls. Ava loved the meatballs so much, it was cute. She wore the most adorable flower dress that was (3 dollars!!). Kiara wore her black homecoming dress and looked bomb. Stephanie wore a cute blue dress. There was a little tension in the group. Stephanie was leaving at 6:30, and for some reason thought Kiara was upset with her leaving. Kiara actually wasn’t and told  her so, but Stephanie pulled me aside and said: “Hey so Kiara’s giving me attitude and I don’t know what to do….”

Basically it was a big misunderstanding. I assured her that no, nobody was mad at her. Kiara showed me some texts that Stephanie had sent her that were a little sassy, but I just told both of them to just not let it get to them. Just enjoy the gala. We took pictures, Brian filmed us for Megan and I’s Create Something 2.0 project. He was the only dude on our team. I tried to make sure he felt welcome by trying to talk to him as much as possible. Anna and Natalie were there too. Amanda also was there, although to be honest she didn’t do that much for our campaign but it’s okay. After dinner all the candidates had to stand outside then we were announced one by one by an enthusiastic woman, and we’d walk back to our table. When my name was called I walked up and the woman commented: “Oh, look at that strut! Yes girl! You go!”

I didn’t realize I was strutting, but everybody was commenting about it when I got back to the table. Oops. I think it was the heels. Ava would have been proud if she had seen it. She’s trying to improve my “sassy”walk. There was one embarrassing moment when they pulled all the candidates up and we each would draw a question from a hat and answer it. The first few girls were really nervous and the woman whisper an answer to them. I drew question 10 and it was: What did you learn from this campaign?”

I kept it simple and short because I was freaked out. “It wasn’t easy.” The announcer followed up with: “Oh yeah! Like you call your grandma up asking for help with the campaign and all of a sudden you can’t get ahold of grandma anymore.” (Something along those lines ??) I just laughed and agreed.

We went into this knowing that we weren’t going to win, or get any scholarship money. But you know what? It’s okay. Our team still raised $2,500 dollars. That’s pretty good for a bunch of high schoolers. The winner was a girl in a gorgeous blue dress who raised $15,000. That’s pretty incredible. Her name was Zoe.

I went home with Kiara and Ana . We danced like a bunch of white girls with no rhythm, made some mac n cheese, and watched Split. We fell asleep on Kiara’s bed at about 1 or 2 am.


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