Taking Things Too Personally + Wanting To Travel The World

What’s the truth?

Give me something

Take me down a road I believe in

Lost the way

Lost all reason

Give me something

Search the past for redemption

Broken glass

No reflection

Take me to a place

I believe in

Lost my way

Lost all reason

Through the ruins

Trying to save it

Before I fall out

Show me somehow

I can make it

All that we gain

Was it wasted ?

Falling down broke

Holding on hope

That you’ll make it

Give me something

Give me something

Give me something

To hold onto

I’ve got nothing

Since I lost you

Seafret- Give Me Something. It gave me the feels.

I gave out presents today. Stuff that was important to me, that sorta was just…not appreciated I guess? I gave my teacher a cigar box (a box that was sent to me after my Uncle quit smoking) with a¬†kaleidoscope in it. When I was little I thought there were real diamonds in there. There was a perfect sand dollar I found at the beach years ago buried in the sand, it was in the box. There was a heart locket with a clock on it, half broken, also in the musty box, along with a two dollar coin from Hong Kong. I know what you’re thinking. Why would you give your AP English teacher such random things? Well it was a sort of thank you gift for her letting us put a fundraising box in her room for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society that my friends and I are campaigning. I wrote a little note in there explaining the stuff, and what it meant to me, and that I wanted her to have it.

I also wrote her a little card.

I know she read the card. I don’t know if she’s even looked in the box. I don’t think she has. Or maybe if she did maybe she’s really confused and doesn’t want my junk. Maybe I shouldn’t have given it to her. She probably doesn’t even like it.

I also gave Megan a bear that was given to me when I was younger, during my parents divorce. It’s a big bear. It’s white with red spots. A Valentines bear for my Valentines birthday. My Dad bought it for me. She was crying yesterday, and couldn’t talk about it. So I thought it would be a good idea to give her the bear. She was surprised in math. In English though she said, “I don’t know how to hide this bear. Everybody’s going to be asking me about it.” (A lot of people asked if it was her birthday). She left it in the class and said it could be Period 3’s “Mascot Bear”. That’s fine, but it made me kinda sad that she didn’t want to take it. I mean it was supposed to be for her. I carried it to school along with other goodies. And she just left it behind. I can get it if she didn’t want it, but I don’t know…I thought it would make her feel better.

All I can think about right now is college looming over me. I’m a junior. I graduate NEXT FREAKING YEAR.

I want to go to a college out of this country. Belgium would be so nice. Anywhere in Europe would be so nice. It’s cheaper…more beautiful…the farther away from home the better :). But I can’t afford it. Also my Dad is super against me leaving the country. He doesn’t think it makes any sense. I don’t expect him to get it. He hates traveling, yet he travels as a part of his job. Me on the other hand, I would love to travel and lose myself in as many different languages and cultures as I can.

Maybe I’ll try to get citizenship in Australia (should be easy access since my Mom was an Australian citizen when I was born) and go to the University of Sydney or something like that. Only downside is I don’t know how things work over there, and I have my heart set on Germany or Belgium or Switzerland or anywhere…different. I’ve lived in California my whole life. It’s beautiful, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life here. The other downside to Australia is my Mom wants to go with me. The whole point of going to a far away college is to get away from the crazy in my life, not take it with me.

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